Stressed because it's mid January and already your New Year's Resolution "resolve" is wavering? Maybe weight loss is your goal and you decided to cut out that morning coffee cake. Consciously you feel good about your decision. Subconsciously a little voice is asking, "where's my coffee cake?" And it keeps asking until now all you can think about morning, noon and night is the sensual pleasure of eating coffee cake. That's the way it works when you try to expunge a habit before preparing your mind for change.
And, unfortunately, it doesn't matter what your resolution is: to lose weight, stop smoking, get out of debt, find a new love, change careers, etc. Most New Year's Resolutions falter within the first couple of weeks and are forgotten before the end of February. So don't beat yourself up for wavering. Take a deep breath. Exhale. Relax.
Ingredient #1: Ask Yourself "Why?"
You need to understand why you want to make this change at this time in your life. Get down to the emotional core of what it will mean to you - how it will impact your life. Meditate on it. Reflect inward and listen for solutions. Peel back the layers until you find the emotional need your present behavior satisfies. Be honest with yourself. Keep asking "why" until you find the core, the reason why you want to change now. Change for the sake of your family or other relationships is unacceptable in this exercise. You must learn how this change will benefit you. How willl it improve your life, your self-esteem, your feelings of self-worth? Dig deep. When you reach that "risky shift", your truth, that layer that says "I don't need this to feel good about myself. I'm not going to do or take this anymore", you are ready for change. You've found what is compelling you. You've got leverage. Now make your resolution - it will become your goal. You've taken the first step.
A Compelling Reason Why:
Thirty years ago my family lived in the city. Our apartment was hot in the summer, the houses were too close to to the neighbors, the neighborhood kids were increasing unruly and disrespectful and their parents defended rather than disciplined them when the need arose. The worse of it, though, was when we had to enroll our daughter in private school because the public school system was failing. Talk about stress! Our mini escapes, especially on hot summer nights was to drive up to the mountains and suburbs, enjoying the spacious quiet and beautiful homes. We soon decided that this is where we wanted to be. We had many compelling reasons to make a change. Our goal: to build our dream house in the suburbs.
Once your mind accepts that change is coming you'll feel emotionally and physically free to work with the change process. You've probably heard the saying "If you fail to plan.....you plan to fail". So start by writing down the steps you need to take to achieve your goal - your action plan. Make it S.M.A.R.T., i.e., strategic, measurable, as if it's happening now, realistic and timely.
Be sure to build in some flexibility for unforeseen setbacks. Write down the distractions and temptations you are likely to face as well as several options to neutralize them. For example if your goal is to stop smoking in two weeks, it would be wise to note when and why you smoke. Come up with substitutes or obstacles that will make it harder to reach for a cigarette at those times.
A S.M.A.R.T. Action Plan:
When we signed the contract for our house, the builders were five months away from breaking ground. The projected closing date gave us 14 months to come up with 20 percent down payment plus closing costs. We figured we would need approximately $20,000. How did we plan to raise that kind of money? Step 1: Identify our resources: (a)We had $3500 in savings. (b) We both worked full time jobs. (c) We could shave our budget down to the bare bones. Except for our daughter's needs, we scrimped on everything (d) We still would not be able to save enough so my husband added on a part time job. Step 2: Action Plan: We planned how much we would need to save each month. Then we broke the figures down to smaller bits - what we needed to save each week. We created a large poster divided by months and subdivided by weeks and attached it to our pantry door. We faithfully recorded each week's deposits on that poster. Step 3: Create Momentum: We were aware, on a daily and weekly basis exactly how much progress we were making towards accomplishing our goal.
That brings us to the final ingredient.
Beginning on day one, do something everyday toward reaching your goal. Create forward momentum by giving yourself motivational affirmations and rewards for the smallest accomplishments. Figure out what is the last thing that has to happen to let you know you've accomplished your goal. Close your eyes and envision how wonderful you will feel......how happy, healthy and fulfilled. So weight watchers, go out today and buy that sexy dress you hope to fit into. Hang it where you'll see it constantly and look forward to the day when you can wear it. Posts pictures of a younger, slimmer you on the refrigerator door, bathroom mirror and car dashboard for incentive. Start each day affirming your love of the body you have even if you haven't lost a pound!
The Goal
Even after thirty years I can still remember the emotional impact, the almost surreal beauty of waking up that first morning in our brand new home. Nothing can quite describe the satisfaction of accomplishing your goal.
So now you know why keeping your New Year's Resolution requires more effort than desire. But if you add the three main ingredients (1) Ask Yourself "Why?" (2) Have a S.M.A.R.T. Action Plan (3) Actively Pursue Your Goal
Namaste
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