More Than Willpower: How to Break an Unhealthy Habit

More Than Willpower:  How to Break an Unhealthy Habit

"...Understand your actions, for they become habits.  Study your habits, for they become your character..." - Oliver Wendell Holmes

Why do I keep doing this to myself?  Whether it's overeating, not exercising, smoking too much or biting your nails.   You know it's not healthy.  But all your efforts to break the habit by sheer will have left you stressed and exhausted.  And eventually they failed.

Here's why.  Habits form on a subconscious level.  Often as a learned response to stress.  The habit supports, calms and sooths you.  The reward is a chemical release of dopamine - the natural high runners often talk about.  Repeating the behavior delivers the same pleasurable reward.  The brain reverts to the learned response making it automatic.

Willpower may interrupt this automatic response temporarily.   But to make a lasting change you must create a new healthy habit to take the place of the old ingrained habit.   To be successful it is essential you know the answers to the following:

Why Change the Habit

Know your motivation to change.   You have to have a compelling "why".   Ask yourself, "Why make the change now?  What gives me the determination to change?  What will I gain?  What will happen if I don't change?"

What Triggers the Habit

Understand your pattern:  What triggers the habit i.e., where are you, who are you with and what are you doing?  What is pleasant and unpleasant about the habit?  What's in it for you besides the feel good "rush"?

How to Link the New Habit to a Reward

What healthy habit can you create to replace the unhealthy habit and get similar rewards, satisfaction?  You must enjoy the change as something that brings joy in your life.  Give yourself small rewards often to link pleasure to your new behavior.  Because if it doesn't feel good, permanent change won't happen.

When Will the New Habit Stick

Studies show it takes from 21-28 days to make new pathways in the brain for a new habit to become ingrained.  To make it "stick" the new habit needs practice, consistency, focus and repetition for it to become automatic.

The only thing left for you to do is mark your calendar for day 1:

• Post your motivation and rewards list everywhere for continued incentive.
• Get support from family, friends, role models for positive reinforcement if you need it.
• Avoid temptation - the old triggers - until you feel strong enough.
• Give yourself small rewards often.  Factor in a long term reward to celebrate your success.

Finally, to ensure long term results, visualize the new you repelling the unhealthy habit and replacing it with the healthy habit. Several times a day.  Be consistent.  Every day for the next 28 days.



Your comments:  What if anything did you do to overcome an unhealthy habit?  What worked?

Is It Stress or Burnout? 7 Signs You Should Know

Is It Stress or Burnout?  7 Signs You Should Know

BAM VP - Be A More Vibrant Person in 2012
A daily energizing routine of Breath work, Affirmations, Meditation, Visualization and Progressive Relaxation will help you meet each day Bold, Awesome, Motivated, Vibrant and Powerful
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"Simplicity means taking charge of a life that is too busy, too stressed, and too fragmented...focusing on the essentials - whatever those may be for each of our unique lives" - Duane Elgin


One third of Americans live with extreme stress, naming money and work as the leading cause.  Stress is a significant reason for problems with family and friends.  Eight percent connect stress to divorce or separation.  These are the statistics reported by the American Psychological Association.

Anyone can suffer from stress or burnout.  From the frazzled office worker putting in late hours, to the frenetic homemaker struggling with children or caregiving, to the Type A personality with control issues.

Stress is About Too Much Pressure and Responsibility

You are expected to be too many things to too many people.  Symptoms include feeling irritable, fatigued, frustrated, overwhelmed.  Physically your body aches and your blood pressure is up.  Despite this, you still feel optimistic that if you can just get things under control everything will work out.

The good news is stress is easier to handle at this stage - before it becomes chronic.

Burnout is About Having Too Little Left to Give

It is the more intense form of stress.  Symptoms include feeling empty, helpless, hopeless.  Loss of motivation and interest.  Feeling nothing you do is appreciated or makes a difference.  Problems seem overwhelming and you are unable to meet the demands. 

Because burnout is gradual, you may not realize you are past the breaking point until it is too late.
In the early stages stress reduction strategies may be enough.  Though it will take a good amount of time and effort.  If symptoms persist or become worse, however, it is best to see a doctor.

7 Signs of Stress                                 7 Signs of Burnout

Over engagement (doing too much)    Disengagement (not worth it)
Over reactive (hypersensitive)             Emotions blunted (past caring)
Urgency and hyperactivity                   Helplessness and hopelessness
Loss of energy                                     Loss of motivation, ideas, hope
Anxiety disorders                                 Detachment and depression
Primary damage is physical                  Primary damage is emotional
May kill you prematurely                      Life seems not worth living

Source: Stress and burnout ministry

What You Can Do for Relief

• At work:  speak with your boss to clarify job description, renegotiate new job duties.  Give yourself a break and take time off when needed.
• At home:  set boundaries, learn to say no and get help where needed.  Carve out daily "me time" to relax.
• For the high achieving Type A personality:  take a break from the laptop, email, Blackberry.  Find a fun project, hobby or other non-work related activity to get away from responsibilities.

Begin to understand that stress management and relaxation are a vital part of your physical and emotional fitness.  Learn breathing routines, affirmations, meditation, visualization and progressive relaxation to find what works for your lifestyle.  Take a "time out", eat healthy, exercise and get plenty of rest.  Finally, reassess your goals, simplify your life and rediscover what what makes you happy.

3 Ways to Conquer Procrastination

"Procrastination is my sin.  It brings me naught but sorrow.  I know that I should stop it.  In fact, I will - tomorrow!" - Gloria Pitzer

Ah, spring time.  People feel motivated to get out and get things done.  But not you.  You are a procrastinator and to you spring means more chores to add to your to-do list.  You'd rather put things off until tomorrow.

You were the student who started your book report the night before it was due.   You spent an extra year in college because your term assignments were never in on time.  Today you are the adult who puts in long hours at work.  You hope your boss believes the late hours are part of your work ethic.  The truth is you hate to tackle those reports so you struggle to get through your workload.

Feel My Pain

Fears of failure, success or rejection are the leading reasons most people procrastinate.  You don't know if that describes your reluctance.  All you know is that procrastination is a bad habit that has not served you well up to this point.   You are always playing catch up because whatever you put off today just adds to your list tomorrow.

There is a voice in your head constantly nagging you to get started.  Roll up your sleeves and do the chore whether you like it or not.   You want to change.  But how do you get started when you don't want to do it in the first place?

1. Anchor in Motivation

 Negative self-talk like, "I don't want to do this" or "Do I have to do this" is counter-productive.  Certainly not motivating.  Changing your self-talk to "I want to do this" or "I choose to do this" is an easy way to start.

Use the *NLP technique of "anchoring" to install feelings of excitement, success, motivation, pride and other positive emotions to a sight, sound or part of your body. Your ear lobe for example.  Now any time you start a task that is distasteful to you, touch your earlobe.  This will trigger those positive feelings you installed.  You will automatically feel motivated to begin.

2.  Give Your Task a Timeline

Research suggests that the unconscious mind nags until you make a plan, timeline or deadline.  Once the task has some structure your unconscious is satisfied that it is done and you will relieve some of the stress.

Spring is also tax season so let's use that example.  It is a complex, overwhelming task you dread doing.  It usually means an all-nighter just going through your papers, notes and receipts.  Pledging to start your income tax preparation today will satisfy the first step in structuring a plan.  You have given a timeline.

3.  Start With Small Steps

Deconstruct any project into smaller tasks that you can complete in a reasonable time.  Let us apply this to your income taxes.  You have approximately four weeks before the filing deadline.  If you break it down to weekly tasks it will look something like this:

• Week one - gather all receipts, papers etc.  Do a thorough search.  Place them all in one box, folder or stack.  Task completed.
• Week two - Separate and put receipts in tax categories.  Example, income, business expenses, charitable donations, etc.  Task completed.
• Week three - Total items in each category.  Look for any receipts etc., you may have missed to add to these totals.  Task completed.
• Week four - Transfer your totals to your tax form.  Mail in your tax return.

Feel My Pleasure

Taxes done and filed on time.  You feel a sense of pride and relief as you check this off your to-do list.  Best of all you now have a plan to overcome procrastination in all your future projects.


*Learn more about Anchoring (NLP) at Wikipedia.org.  View Anchoring (NLP) video demonstrations on YouTube.  NLP is the abbreviation for Neuro Linguistic Programming.